Chapter 2.3
My face, which was reflected in the turned-off intercom, was stiff. Yeon Woojeong, who recklessly picked up a boy he didn’t know from the street, had no reason to be more reluctant to an employee of a cleaning company who had a clearer background than me.
After ending the call, I went to the kitchen. Opening the drawer, I took out the envelope of money. It was dangerous to leave this here if she always came here once a week.
The bell rang. I put the envelope in the bathroom first, and when I opened the door, the employee in uniform greeted me by bowing her head.
“Hello, sir. This is my first time meeting you.”
“I’m not the house owner.”
Leaving the employee who kindly greeted me behind, I took the clothes I left under the sofa. I changed my clothes in the bathroom and put the envelope inside the jacket’s inner pocket. As I was about to leave, I saw the employee who was grabbing the pile of shirts in the laundry room. I glanced at the shirts grabbed by the employee. It didn’t look like she would wash it with the washing machine.
I walked past her to the entrance. As I came out after wearing my sneakers, I heard greetings from between the closing door.
This was my first time going out, except for when I went to the prosecutors’ office or when I threw out the trash. The temperature had gone colder. I took a step forward after zipping the padding jacket up to my neck.
When I was passing through the small garden in front of the officetel to go out to the exit, I suddenly turned my head and saw a smoking booth. The person behind the transparent door with a cigarette in his mouth was Yeon Woojeong. I stopped walking as if I got shackled on my ankles.
The man inhaled the shortened cigarette until his cheeks hollowed in, then he took the cigarette away, holding in the smoke, and blew it out.
It looked just like a picture. It wasn’t because he looked cool or outstanding, but he looked like he had been like this since he was born. Whether it was alcohol or cigarettes, something harmful to the body, or something that was rejected by society, Yeon Woojeong would look good with it as though that were natural.
Well, he didn’t exude a cigarette smell, and even though I didn’t see him smoking all weekend, it did not surprise me he was a smoker. His movement to throw away the butt in the trash can and blew out the smoke while staring into the air was slow and relaxed.
Yeon Woojeong, who was about to walk out the door while dusting off his suit, stopped as he looked at me. Soon, his mysterious eyes thinned out. The tips of his eyes that were arching down were quite unrealistic. I got cold creeps.
“Ah, you caught me.”
He slowly walked to me. Putting the coat over one of his arms, Yeon Woojeong loosened his necktie with the other hand and put it in the coat’s pocket.
“Why are you here?”
“I had a duty outside and came right away. Where are you going?”
“The mart.”
“It’s being cleaned now, isn’t it? Let’s go together, then go back.”
Yeon Woojeong wore the coat and stood next to me. There was a faint cigarette smell, but it was not smoky. Every time we walked, his coat brushed against my hand. I put my hands inside my pockets.
On the sunset-tinted road, Yeon Woojeong walked next to me. It was weird to go to the mart with this man at this time, but it wasn’t bad.
The mart was not far. As soon as we arrived, Yeon Woojeong took a cart from the entrance.
“I won’t buy that much.”
“Marts are all about pulling carts.”
While saying childish things, he leaned his body in the cart and pushed it. I noticed the gazes of the women passing us were directed to Yeon Woojeong. Suddenly, I felt tired with the man next to me.
The first thing to buy was rice. I put the cheapest 3 kg rice bag on the cart. Yeon Woojeong stabbed black rice and brown rice bags with his finger, and when I touched the handle of the cart, we walked again.
I knew how to cook, but it didn’t mean I could make something wow. After choosing eggs, cans of tuna, and canned ham, I couldn’t think of anything else. On the way, Yeon Woojeong put a package of ramyeon in the cart. When I stared at him, he shrugged with an expressionless face.
“You’re not buying meat?”
“…”
“I heard they also sell seasonings as finished products these days.”
With Yeon Woojeong’s interference, I went to the meat section and bought pork for bulgogi. As he said, the seasoning was sold in various kinds, but he was a step ahead to reach out to the refrigerator. It was from the same brand as the delivered lunch box.
The cart was big, but the things put inside it were not much. But, there was nothing more to buy. Yeon Woojeong, who leisurely looked around while leaning in the cart, didn’t look like he was interested in buying anything. I wondered if it was better to fill the cart with the things he liked because we would eat together, anyway.
While glancing at Yeon Woojeong as I slightly bit the inside of my cheek, we idly wandered inside the mart. When Yeon Woojeong sent his gaze to me, I slowly opened my mouth.
“Don’t you have anything else to buy?”
“…”
“Or something you want to eat.”
“… ah. I won’t eat the food you make.”
“… Why?”
I refrained from furrowing my brows. Looking at Yeon Woojeong’s calm face, I tried to calm something that was raging inside. Yeon Woojeong rolled his eyes once.
“You don’t need to do laundry, dishes, and cleaning. About cooking… just do it because you want it. Don’t do anything for me.”
“Then what should I do?”
“I told you, right? Don’t do anything. I mean, just do everything you want to do. But don’t ‘work’ in my house.”
It sounded like sophistry. I really couldn’t understand what he was trying to say.
I worked when I stayed in the facility. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, were part of my work. The kids also did those, but there was a limit for the kids, and because I was in charge of them, Lee Sugeol would nitpick me if I didn’t do it properly.
Household chores were trades. Something that I had to contribute because I had to stay here. The price for me to stay in the youth shelter was to endure a fucking bastard panting all night. I couldn’t stay there because I couldn’t endure that.
Every relationship was established under transactions. Even in the parent-child relationship, there was nothing called one-sided dedication. But he told me to do nothing? How will he stab me in the back later? What is he trying to take from me by saying that?
“Fuck, just say you don’t want to eat something made by a dirty bastard whose identity is unknown. Do not be a hypocrite.”
It’d be better if he just made a terrible request, honestly—rather than sucking my blood dry like this.
I could just eat the lunch box. If I tired of it, I didn’t mind eating instant rice with ramyeon. The reason I was doing something luxurious like this was just that I was curious — about how far I could invade his space and how far I could do as I like.
But, I rather felt like I was being pushed away with Yeon Woojeong saying, ‘don’t do anything’ and ‘I don’t need anything’. I clearly understand that I had to humor him if I wanted to stay comfortably here, but I was an idiot who couldn’t do that. My mood was completely ruined, so I turned back, but I got caught in my wrist.
“Are you upset?”
Upset? He’s talking rubbish. I tried to shake off his hand, but his hand went lower and grabbed mine. Warm touch permeated my palm. It felt unpleasant, as if there was a hangnail.
When I turned my head, Yeon Woojeong was staring at me. The piercing gaze felt like binding me. He slightly tilted his head and wrinkled his forehead as if thinking about something. The reason I couldn’t shake his hand even though I could just shake it was that he looked like he wanted to say something. Soon, Yeon Woojeong parted his lips.
“Even if you’re doing something because you want to do it for now, someday, it will become something that you do even though you don’t want to.”
“…”
“I picked you. And you didn’t sell yourself to me.”
What Yeon Woojeong said was not a lie. The first time we met, he clearly said I can do nothing. And so, right now, it felt like he was saying there’s no transaction between him and me.
Something like that is nonsense. There’s no way something like goodwill without price, or a relationship without giving and taking, exist.
But, I didn’t retort. Right now, I had nowhere to go, and I needed a place to settle in, at least until I came of age. Even if it was a place with only downhill roads ahead. I had a reason to stop. It was his loss if he asked nothing, not mine.
As I turned back without saying anything, Yeon Woojeong’s hand naturally left me. I heard the sound of the cart following me as the wheels rolled.
I put everything in the cart on the counter. There was Yeon Woojeong’s card in my pocket and my whole fortune in my inner pocket. I came here thinking of using Yeon Woojeong’s card, but now that I had arrived here, I hated to take out his card. It was a ridiculous and useless pride. But still, to take out my money…
Yeon Woojeong, who followed behind me, took out a card and handed it to the employee. Despite thinking that was natural since he picked me, and had more money, I got angry. Sometimes, poverty made people miserable. Sometimes, I hated being miserable more than dying. Still, I was getting used to it, because I knew satiating my hunger was better than dying.
Yeon Woojeong picked up the grocery bag. The plastic bag, which also served as a garbage bag, did not go well with Yeon Woojeong’s clothes. He, who looked nonchalant despite the quarrel earlier, took the lead. Every step he took boiled me inside. Chasing after the slow step, I grabbed the bag held by Yeon Woojeong because I couldn’t endure it. Yeon Woojeong’s body was slightly leaning backward, then he turned.
“Then what was the reason you took me in?”