Chapter 1.3
Of course, the offer Lee Sugeol gave me wasn’t normal. He said my face was in demand for women and men, so he asked me to go to the adult establishment. He said I don’t need to sell my body and only serve food, but I wasn’t that naïve to believe that.
I didn’t want to do such a thing, and I couldn’t. Humoring others was hard, and I didn’t want to go downhill on my feet. Once I walked there, there was no way to get out. I heard it from some kids in the youth shelter. Girls often got that kind of temptation, and from what they heard, it was hard for them to get out once they fell into that temptation.
Instead, I told him I would bring in money. I had never stolen other people’s money, and the attempt I ever did once ended in vain, but I exaggerated. Lee Sugeol didn’t look like he believed me, but he told me to try while smirking. He also added I could stay here since he needed someone to take care of the kids. Until that moment, Lee Sugeol seemed like he knew I would obediently follow him.
After that, I began to steal money. Helping a man who was drunk and walked alone in the adult entertainment district—pretending to be his companion—I robbed his wallet. It wasn’t that bad, and it became a justification for me to stay in the facility owned by Lee Sugeol. A justification for me to boast, even when Lee Sugeol called me out when the income lowered. However, that couldn’t last long. It wasn’t easy when I got caught by the operator who managed that area. Then I pickpocketed in the subway, but it was hard to get big money from that. It was bad to desire big money from pickpocketing. However, I didn’t dare to do bad things more than that.
And so I endured it for two years. I could endure it when fortunately Lee Sugeol was very busy on the day I barely could bring in money, but I couldn’t anymore now. Just like Lee Sugeol said, I have to go to the adult establishment or leave this facility. If I had to choose between the two choices…
He said that unlike doing physical labor, I could touch a big sum by only doing part-time serving food in the establishment. If I endure it and smile a bit, he said a lot of money would easily enter my pocket. That must be why many people fall that way. I didn’t properly graduate from junior high and had little knowledge, so there were not a lot of options for me to choose from.
Money. Money. Money…… I’m sick of it. It sucked that I had to think over between these two choices.
“Hyung, what are you doing?”
I met the eyes staring intently at me. Looking at the innocent eyes and chubby cheeks, I got angry for no reason. I thought these kids were the same as me but turned out not. I was a bastard that couldn’t stay in this illegal yet safe confinement.
Furthermore, I had a bad temper, so I couldn’t make money by enduring all kinds of treatments. If I went to the establishment and stabbed someone’s stomach, then what would happen with my life next?
What’s more important was, if I made money that way, I wouldn’t be able to escape from Lee Sugeol’s hands. There was no way Lee Sugeol wouldn’t take away the money I made. And that bastard mercilessly hit me. The first was hard. Bastards, who found the first easy, wouldn’t get it hard for the next as well.
It might be an impulse, but as I made up my mind, I didn’t want to be here for a moment. There was no baggage that I could bring from here. Clothes were something that I picked up anyway, so I could just leave like this.
I quickly went to the entrance and was about to wear my shoes. Suddenly I felt a weak touch holding my clothes. The kid, who strangely followed me since the first time I came here, looked up at me with tearful eyes. His eyes looked like he realized I wouldn’t come back here once I left.
“Let go.”
The small hand held me stronger when I told him to let me go. Well, if that could be called strong.
I was never kind to him, nor did I ever talk or smile first to him, but it was strange that he kept following me. It must be because he was such an idiot that he got locked here.
As I held the kid’s wrist and forcefully took it off, he couldn’t hold me anymore. After looking at his feet, hesitating whether or not to follow me, I opened the door and left. The cold wind enveloped my body. I adjusted the padding jacket and walked away.
Leaving the alley, I walked uphill. As I walked past a store with the light off and numerous houses, another alley appeared. I entered the narrow alley and stood in front of a red brick wall. It looked like it was interlocked nicely, but when I touched it with my hand, I could take out the brick that protruded. There was another wall behind this wall. I took out a black plastic bag between them and put it in my inner pocket.
I was speechless that the whole fortune I hardly earn only filled a handful. Feeling the rustling plastic, I walked out.
I walked endlessly, as I had nowhere to go. I mean, I could stay at least a day in jjimjilbang, but if I stayed in a warm place, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to leave. It was hard to make money, but it was easy to spend it. Before I fell into despair because I hurriedly used the money, I had to make a plan.
First, I had to get a job, didn’t I? It’d be good if it offered accommodation, but even if I found one, it’d be hard to get a job there because of my education level and age. Age. There would be a lot of chance once I came of age, but there was still a month and a half left. When I looked for the next job, I couldn’t be picky anymore, huh?
I stopped when I felt my lips trembling. Both my cheeks and ears were frozen stiff, and the toes inside the worn-out sneakers were rigid. Unfortunately, the cold this year came very early.
As I suddenly turned my head, I saw an empty road and high buildings towering over that road. As though there were still people inside, some floors were lit up. There was no corner that looked old, and the buildings were solid. I didn’t know where I would work next, but I was sure it was not in a place like this.
Even though I didn’t really admire and want such a city, I felt helpless. Was it because the buildings were too high? Even though I looked up, it was too distant.
There was one thing I was sure of. There was no place for me here. I felt like someone that’s not present here.
I took a step and plopped down on the sidewalk. As I looked at the road where cars occasionally moved fast, I felt like something was stirring somewhere in my heart. There was no end to my road, but it was also rugged. It would be hard to drive a car there. Even a bicycle would get its tire explodes. Then there was no way except for walking. Because even if my feet got hurt, it would become nothing if I just let it be.
How long do I have to live like this? I know everyone couldn’t choose their road, but why should I be born on this kind of road? There must be some people who lived earnestly despite being born on this kind of road, but I didn’t want to do the same.
The question about the deadline of living now turned into a question, ‘why should I live?’ Why? Why should I?
As I got that kind of thinking, an impulse to jump into the road surged up. I imagined myself running into a running car, bouncing off its bumper, getting my neck broken after my head hits the asphalt, and then having my blood gushed out. If the other person got flustered because they were someone who owned a very expensive car, then it might be funny.
If I’ll get hit, then it’s better to be an expensive car. Something like an expensive coupe or SUV.
It was funny, but I was not laughing. While having that kind of thought, the hands inside my pocket wriggled. Suddenly, a car stopped and blocked my view. It was not in front of a traffic light, and it was not a proper place to park, so I couldn’t help thinking it was stopping in front of me.
Just by looking at the side of the black sedan, I could see it was very expensive. It was so shiny that it was believable to say the car was just bought and driven from the store. Seemed like the owner was taking good care of it. While I stared blankly at the car, the tinted window slowly opened.
Although I stuck out my neck, I couldn’t see the inside. The one who sat in the driver’s seat didn’t let out their head or walk out of the car. I had no intention to be considerate to them, but I had cold feet because of sitting for a long time. As I got up, since I couldn’t stay like this forever, I could see the man sitting in the driver’s seat.
The first thing that entered my eyes were the eyes that met mine. Perhaps because they were big in size, the eyes with slightly exposed sclera under the black pupils did not look mean or fierce, and the long eyelashes on the eyes looked fragile, giving a strange impression. The hair that was put on something was a little messy, but it looked dark in contrast to the pale white skin. The corner of the closed light red lips turned up.
He was a man that looked like a devil.