Chapter 1.2
I moved away from the ordinary street that caught my eyes. The stairs appeared not long after walking. Fortunately, it was a downhill road, but the place that was barely lit by the streetlamps gave off a gloomy atmosphere. An alley in Ihwa-dong, which crowded with people on weekends or holidays. Originally, there was a painting on this staircase, but the residents, who couldn’t hold on against the disturbances made by the tourists whose own memories were more important than the peace of the village, erased the painting. But that didn’t mean the number of people visiting decreased.
The weekday night was quiet. The house in the alley, where people had to squeeze in during the weekend, opened quickly. After taking off the shoes in the entrance full of small shoes, I stuffed 3000 won inside my pocket.
As I walked in the short hallway, I felt it was quieter than usual. The fact that the kids that usually came out showed their presence being quiet meant that Lee Sugeol is here.
I can’t eat then, tonight. I was an idiot for going home despite knowing that.
“You, fuck, where did you go?”
Lee Sugeol was sitting in the kitchen. After giving a meaningless gaze at the kitchen tile with oil grease, cupboard with scarlet sheet torn off, and worn-out sink, I met Lee Sugeol’s gaze, who was lowering his upper body and glaring at me.
“I was caught while doing the work.”
“What?”
Lee Sugeol suddenly jumped to his feet with a menacing face.
“I was, caught, while doing the work?”
Every time he paused, a rough hand fled without hesitation. Even though I clenched my teeth, there were sounds of flesh being torn. I felt dizzy. As my body gradually pushed back, the merciless hand finally stopped when I hit the refrigerator.
“You fucking bastard. Even the kids stop working because of you, and do you know what I heard from that fucking fox?”
Fucking fox. The neighborhood policeman whom Lee Sugeol fed money on. It seemed like the reason for the uproar this time was the order to bring in more money.
Lee Sugeol said pride should be like a rabbit’s liver, which could be taken out and put in. He said the liver actually isn’t an internal organ that can be taken out and put in, but just like the turtle that believed so, we should bow down pretending to have no organ that is perfectly fine.
The important organ in life was not something like pride. It is money. Lee Sugeol wasn’t angry because of what that fucking fox said, but because of losing money.
“The money you bring every month is barely near 2 million. But, fuck, the expense more than 2 million. Huh?”
Lee Sugeol pushed my forehead with his finger. Unlike Lee Sugeol, my pride was not a liver. I didn’t care if Lee Sugeol was fine to have no pride just to have more things in his hand when he already had a lot of things, but for people who had nothing like me, what should we live for if we didn’t have pride? My pride was my heart.
As I slap away the unpleasant hand, there was a brief silence.
“Huh? You hit me?”
“…”
“You don’t like it? You look like you don’t like it, huh, this fucker?”
I knew it would end quickly if I just stayed silent and got hit, but whenever I followed Lee Sugeol’s words, I always got hit. The palm that was full of calluses endlessly hit my head. Slap, slap. The unrealistic sounds filled the kitchen.
My view turned dizzy, and my empty stomach roared. I raised my hand, trying to cover my head, but I was helpless. My mouth was torn and there was a smelly taste.
“Do you, huh? Fuck, think what you’re good at? I brought in a beggar, gave him clothes, and food, but this fucker doesn’t know how to be thankful!”
I am used to his continuous violence. Even if it felt like it wouldn’t end, it would end. I was at ease when I knew there was an end. However, because I didn’t know when it would be, my anger also rose whenever his fist fled.
I clenched my fist. Our height was similar, and for the build, Lee Sugeol was a bit bigger. He might be better at fighting, but I might make it if I do my best to run. But because I couldn’t do that, I gritted my teeth. Sometimes, sometimes, this would end.
My head was dizzy. The afterglow after being hit was more unpleasant than when I was hit. Lee Sugeol, who couldn’t control his anger, raised his foot and kicked my shin. My bone was in pain. There was no place to take a step back, so I barely stood as I was about to fall.
“You, fuck. Just get out if you keep doing this.”
“… what?”
The lips that I closed tightly because I was in pain, but didn’t want to show it, opened up. The shock struck my head.
Get out?
When I raised my head and looked straight at Lee Sugeol, he slanted his lips upward.
“Make up your mind before the end of this week. The offer I gave you when I first picked you up. Accept that, or leave this place.”
I never expected that I would hear Lee Sugeol order me to get out. I have clearly seen the fate of the kid that ran away from this place. He returned with his hair dragged and begged desperately. Looking at that, I thought I can’t leave this place. That’s why I live here and do not run away. Even though I can easily leave, unlike the kids that still know nothing about this world.
But turned out, all of that was my misunderstanding. A bigger headache than when I was hit by Lee Sugeol struck my head. I couldn’t believe that I have to get out of this place—that I am not needed here.
“Think carefully. Do you think a hopeless bastard like you can live outside?”
After talking as if coaxing me like that, Lee Sugeol walked past me. The cold that I have been forgetting for a while surged in. The refrigerator buzzed and made a sound.
I took a fruit knife out from the cutlery holder. Holding Lee Sugeol’s shoulder as he was about to leave the facility, I turned him and stabbed his stomach without reserve. Blood gushed out as I stabbed the flesh that was more firm than I thought. The dropping blood covered my sight. The big build fell like paper, and what came out from Lee Sugeol’s lips was only “ah”— a faint and weak scream. The discolored wallpaper turned red. The corpse said nothing and couldn’t give any order to me.
“Hyung, are you fine?”
I automatically smacked the hand holding into my sleeve and came out of the illusion. As I lowered my head, I saw round eyes filled with worry. The kids that were hiding behind the closed door hesitantly came out.
I stared at the small heads. Some had disabilities, and some did not. The kids with disabilities panhandled, and those who didn’t, they made something like accessories to sell in the alleys. Although it couldn’t make a big sum of money, it wasn’t the weekly revenue for these kids. In addition to revenue and subsidy, profits from fundraising with children are “good income,” he said. He said these kids would get adopted once they get older and hard for him to handle, but actually he was saying he just needed to sell them off.
On the other hand, I was not a missing child, nor a young kid. In fact, I was at an age where I have to get out even in the normal facility, and compared to the money I made to merely keep these kids here, it was definitely lacking.
I was fired from my part-time job, and after leaving the youth shelter, I had nowhere to go, so I wandered around the street. I was starving since I hadn’t eaten anything, and I saw a plump back pocket of a man walking on the street.
I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t control myself. Thinking that someone, who nonchalantly put a plump wallet in their back pocket, might let it pass if they lost a few won, I chased after that man.
It was night, and people were crowding, but it was a red-light district that looked like it would not turn noisy just because someone’s wallet was stolen. The man only looked ahead as he walked leisurely. I came closer, grabbed the edge of the wallet, and was about to run away.
The man turned back and grabbed my wrist. His sharp eyes quickly scanned me from head to toe. I thought it was the end. I wasn’t afraid to go to a police station, but the man didn’t look like he would end it easily by sending me to the police station.
However, the man, Lee Sugeol, asked with a smile.
“Do you want to follow me?”
I didn’t have any futile hope that my life would get better if I followed him, but it was a problem that I had no other choice. With a belief that I had nothing to lose, the place I followed him to was this facility. A few kids were wearing pajamas and huddling together.
It was a home. There was a kitchen, and even though it wasn’t sufficient, I could eat a warm meal. Lee Sugeol wasn’t a kind man, but at least he wasn’t like that teacher in the youth shelter who came to my bed at night, then took out his junk and shook it in front of me.