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Cultivation Chat Group

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Chapter 2: Please Wait For Esteemed Me To Divinate

People always say that the second year of middle school is a rebellious age.

Everyone more-or-less goes through that phase, but only some people show it to the world to see, while others tuck it deep inside their hearts. This was also the difference between obvious trouble and secret trouble.

Song Shuhang could be considered to have matured early. That phase of his life came quick and left even quicker.

Therefore, when he reached his second year of middle school, while his cla.s.smates were still stuck in their wuxia, superhero, immortal dreams and constantly brandis.h.i.+ng their “18 Falling Dragon Palms” while transforming into superheroes. Song Shuhang had long lost those desires.

Our world’s laws of physics were already so precise. To be able to jump three-storeys? To be able to summon a golden dragon with your palm strikes? To be able to fly by wearing your underwear on the outside? Those things were simply impossible!

However, he still liked xianxia novels, superhero movies and the like. Perhaps deep inside his heart, he still hoped that one day, superheroes, aliens, and immortals could appear in front of him.

He obviously knew that all these were impossible, but weirdly, he still looked forward to that day with antic.i.p.ation. Could this be mankind’s talent?

Song Shuhang laughed as he closed the group’s chat window, however, he didn’t leave the group.

He felt that the people in the Nine Provinces (1) Group were interesting, and those chat records of the group could make anybody who sees it feel embarra.s.sed. From a spectator’s point of view, it was unexpectedly interesting. So before the group master decided to kick him out, he plans to first lurk around, then take a look at the various kinds of interesting chat records to kill boredom.

On the computer’s screen, the movie was still playing. It seemed like it was a horror flick. Every single plot device you could find in horror was shown, evidently proving that this movie was directed by a genius horror director at the peak of his performance. It was said that this movie had made even middle-aged men cry in fright, and frightened a ton of people to the point of being afraid of going to the bathroom alone.

However, Song Shuhang did not receive any feelings of fright. Instead, he pulled the progress bar backwards. After watching for a while more, he yawned again and slowly transitioned from his sitting posture to a lying posture, finding his eyelids to also become increasingly heavy.

If that genius director knew that his movie only had this little effect, wouldn’t he cry?

Dazed, Song Shuhang had a fanciful dream.

It was an extremely fun and beautiful dream, a really beautiful dream. There were immortals, superheroes, and all kinds of mythical lands.

To live a long and free life. To be able to move the mountains and the oceans. Tread through the world wielding a sword. Since ancient times, how many people have had this dream? Only, as one grew older, reality broke this dream. People could only tuck it deep in their hearts, and not think about it.

In the end, dreams are only dreams.


The next day. Tuesday. 21st May. 1AM.

Inside the group chat, the group master Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch finally came online.

The moment he got online, North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner popped up with a question: “True Monarch, who is ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’ you added yesterday? Where does he cultivate from?”

“The person added yesterday? You guys haven’t exchanged words yet? That is the daughter of esteemed me’s old friend who is born in this era, it seems like her apt.i.tude isn’t bad. So young and she is already at the peak of 3rd stage – Houtian, just about to reach 4th stage – Xiantian. She is truly extraordinary.” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch replied laughing.

“If she’s born in this era, then her age probably does not exceed 40? To be able to achieve the peak of 3rd stage – Houtian, at such an age, this person truly is a genius.” North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner inwardly nodded. Yet the dao name that person had taken was very odd, ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’ didn’t seem like a dao name.

North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner was still thinking when suddenly, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch said, “Huh? Esteemed me’s old friend’s daughter’s dao name isn’t ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’! Then, who the h.e.l.l is this Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure?

“…..” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch’s face turned into the shape ‘囧’.

This wasn’t some random person. True Monarch, this was the unknown person you added yesterday.

Probing the situation, North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner asked, “True Monarch, could it be that you have added the wrong person?”

“Let esteemed me check it out.”

After a short moment.

With a line of cold sweat emojis, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch sent out a couple of words to the chat: “I truly added the wrong person. The ID number’s only difference was the middle character. Esteemed me entered a 9 instead of an 8. Never would’ve expected that esteemed me could make such a mistake.”

North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner sarcastically laughed: “Just as I said, even if one has a.s.similated into modern society, there still wouldn’t be a person who would set their dao name as ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’ right!”

Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch followed up by sending another line of cold sweat emojis.

Afterwards, he hastily brought his good friend’s daughter into the chat once more.

The group notification prompted: ‘Spiritual b.u.t.terfly Island’s Soft Feather’ has entered Nine Provinces (1) Group.

This name kept up with the Nine Provinces (1) Group’s style, with the rich Xianxia air a.s.saulting your senses. As for Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure, this name surely must’ve been something strange that snuck in.

The moment someone new joined, Mad Saber Three Waves immediately emerged: “Oh? The new fellow daoist is a fairy? Post your photo and report the size of your bust, waist, and b.u.t.tocks! If you’re beautiful why not we date?”

Mad Saber Three Waves has lurked for a long time. His zodiac may be a goldfish, but in the end his memorization capabilities could still last more than 3 seconds. Yesterday he was already reminded that he should avoid offending big time seniors, so today he carefully lurked and evaluated the situation.

Hearing Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch state that this person was his good friend’s daughter, and that her cultivation level was at the peak of the 3rd stage – Houtian, Mad Saber Three Waves became at ease. If it wasn’t someone from the older generation, then he could tease as much as he wanted, satiating his cravings.

In this group, newcomers were extremely rare, so he had to fiercely hold it in all this time.

The moment Mad Saber Three Waves opened his mouth, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch’s face immediately darkened.

“…..” Spiritual b.u.t.terfly Island’s Soft Feather sent a line of dots in the chat, then sent another line: “As it is late, this old man’s daughter has already proceeded to meditate and practice. Her number will temporarily be used by this old man until fellow daoist Mt. Yellow adds me to this group. Ahem… I’ve long heard that Nine Province (1) Group’s fellow daoist, Three Waves is exceptionally outstanding, easygoing and has the gift of the gab. It seems a hundred gossips cannot compare to a single meeting. Fellow daoist Three Waves, this old man appreciates you. Another day, I’ll invite you to drink with me.”

Mad Saber Three Waves immediately felt awkward. To think that while he was flirting around with a girl, the father would turn up! In this world, there is nothing as shameful as that. He urgently wanted to find a hole in the ground and get into it.

Fortunately, it seemed that this senior had an amiable temperament as he lightly brushed it off with a few words.

Continuing on, this senior introduced himself to the rest of the group that was online and requested that everybody take care of his daughter in the future. Then, he finally lurked before he disconnected.

Seeing that this senior left, Mad Saber Three Waves let out a breath of air, cheerfully he went, “Luckily, it seems like this senior can take a joke. Perhaps in the future, I’ll have an opportunity to talk to Lady Soft Feather herself.”

“…..” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch.

“…..” North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner.

The hard to come by Medicine Master then emerged. He’s a man who held his words like gold. He rarely spoke out, yet this time he actually entered four words: “Hoping for too much.”

“?” Three Waves was confused.

But Medicine Master who treated words like gold naturally wouldn’t explain any further.

“Look at the new member’s dao name’s prefix.” North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner explained, if one doesn’t court death he wouldn’t die, will brother Three Waves forever be unable to understand this principle?

“Prefix? Spiritual b.u.t.terfly Island?” It was as if Mad Saber Three Waves still had no reaction.

“That’s right, Spiritual b.u.t.terfly Island! To add on to that a senior! Does that not remind you of someone?” North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner pointed out.

After quite a while, Mad Saber Three Waves suddenly understood, and sent a line of ‘kneeling’ emojis, “It’s that Spiritual b.u.t.terfly Respected Sage that fusses over every single detail?”

Honourable Spiritual b.u.t.terfly was a strong senior. Everything about him was good; he’s upright and chivalrous……. It’s just that he liked to argue with others about all kinds of insignificant things, and had reached the peak of the dao of fussing over minor details. While others may fuss over minor details, he fusses over every single detail!

North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner was angry to the point that his mouth was twitching: “This wasn’t how I warned you!”

Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch sighed, he truly couldn’t bear to keep watching. “Three Waves, that old friend of mine only minimized the chat group, he hasn’t gone offline.”

Which means…… The chat record might be seen.

No, it would definitely be seen!

Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch truly couldn’t bear to keep watching Three Waves court death, no matter what, he was still his chat group’s junior.

“f.u.c.k me, I’m dead.” It was as if Mad Saber Three Waves has peeked into the near future where Spiritual b.u.t.terfly Respected Sage would come to pay him a visit, and execute all sorts of torture onto him. His eyes were once again moist. It seems like this time, he may have offended an even more troublesome big time senior?

At this time, Three Waves screamed, “True Monarch, please help me intercede!”

Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch gave an emoji that showed a cold back figure.

The people of the chat group no longer paid attention to Three Waves’ wails that sounded like those of a defeated dog, and changed topics.

North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner asked the group master, “How are you going to deal with ‘Mt. Books’ High Pressure’?”

Su Clan’s Ah Qi said, “Do you want to kick him? After all he’s just an ordinary person, and so he’s not really suitable to chat with us.”

“Ahem, since it was an accidental invite by esteemed me, it can also be considered fate. Let esteemed me calculate a divination, then decide how to handle this.” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch replied. The main point was that he suddenly invited the other party into the group, if he just kicked him now, won’t it mean that he loses a lot of face?

Which was why at the very least he should use divination to pretend for a bit as an excuse, then kick the person afterwards.

First, this way, it would demonstrate his grand and magnificent style.

Second, not long ago he suddenly felt a great interest towards divination. He had studied it for a few months, so his hands were now itching for action. No matter what he does, he liked to calculate its divine value beforehand.

With that said, using the book 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》 as a base for his divination, he waved his hands, and executed a secret technique of divination. This shamanic power extracted the meaning from the lyrics of a poem, and formed the shape of a trigram.

His execution of divination this time went extremely smoothly. Since Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch first began learning how to divinate, this was the first time he experienced this feeling while executing the divination technique!

With a happy face he looked at the divinatory trigram’s results.


Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch’s face turned downcast.

Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch’s complexion turned ugly.

He looked at the divinatory trigram: Willing to be two birds flying wing to wing in the sky, on earth willing to be two trees with branches intertwined.

(TL: This means wis.h.i.+ng for conjugal bliss)

In his memory this verse was written by a poet Bai Juyi during the Tang Dynasty, a true cla.s.sic. From then on it was used by people to describe love?

Immediately, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch felt depressed.

Wing to wing my a.s.s, intertwining branches my a.s.s! Willing to be a intertwining branch, esteemed me might as well hang myself on the southeast branch!

(TL: Suicide)

It can’t be that he, the great Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch has to go to that likely male ‘Mt. Books’ High Pressure’ and conduct an inseparable world-shaking romance? This led him to think of Long Yangjun from Huaxia’s Warring States period. This made him feel as if he just swallowed a c.o.c.kroach, ridiculously disgusted.

“This definitely is because esteemed me’s cultivation level in divination techniques is insufficient. After all I have only studied it for a month…… So esteemed me should try calculating the divinatory trigram once more! That’s right, this must be it!” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch once again executed the divination secret technique, the deep energies once again flipped 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》.

Again, the meaning of another verse was extracted.

This time the divination secret technique revolved incredibly smoothly, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch felt great, it will surely hit the target!

He looked towards the divinatory trigram.


True Monarch’s face paled.

Divinatory trigram: “After being together for a long time, even if a pair has been separated, how can their relations.h.i.+p easily change from sunrise to sunset!”

Sunset your grandfather!

“Esteemed me doesn’t believe in this supernatural bulls.h.i.+t!” Mt. Yellow True Monarch once again reset the trigram.

This time he felt even more mighty. Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch felt his divinatory trigram cultivation level increasing by leaps and bounds at this moment!

This time will hit the mark for sure!

He looked down to see the divinatory trigram: “Turn back suddenly, and discover that your destined person is there, by the waning lantern lights.”


“Deep breaths, deep breaths.” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch had firmly decided on what to do with the 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》. Tilting his head 45 degrees upwards, he looked depressedly up towards the sky, what a melancholic feeling!

Continuing on, True Monarch resolutely tore apart the hardcover version of 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》 in his hands. While ripping it apart he forcefully nodded: “Sure enough, esteemed me does not possess talent in the area of divination techniques and wasn’t made to be a divination master. Therefore, the divinatory trigram’s results that esteemed me acquired must all be failures!”

He then tossed the torn 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》 to one side, in his heart he silently vowed never again to cheaply divinate anything!

With the hardcover Verses Phrases torn and thrown to the side, True Monarch typed, “That Mt. Books’ High Pressure…… Let’s keep him for now. Esteemed me just divinated, and discovered that he and esteemed me are connected by fate. Adding him to the group was no random accident, it was inevitable! As for what the future holds for him, that will depend on his luck.”

True Monarch used vocabulary from various divination techniques. As for the divinatory trigram’s results, he wouldn’t reveal a word even if someone beat him to death!

d.a.m.n, even if there was fate, that fate definitely was a b.a.s.t.a.r.dly fate!

“Then let’s leave it be for now. Anyways he would probably leave the group soon enough. Come to think of it, what was the result of True Monarch’s divinatory calculation?” North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner had heard before that True Monarch was learning divination techniques, and so he was very curious as to what this senior had divined.

“…..” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch: “Oh right, you guys continue chatting, I have an urgent matter so I’ll leave first.”

Finis.h.i.+ng his words, he rapidly went offline leaving behind the bewildered North River’s Loose Pract.i.tioner.